There are Good Days and Then There are Normal Days.....

Yesterday was a really good day as far as my health. I felt a little burst of energy and actually accomplished a couple things. I cut up a batch of strawberries (before they went bad this time) and made a cake - before the eggs and butter spoiled from my leaving them out too long. :) For me that is an amazing day on the scale from good to bad. However - today.....not so much!

That is one of the most frustrating things about my particular illness. There is no real rhyme nor reason most of the time. Today is a normal day for me - dragging to move, very tired and sleepy and just not able to do much more than what is absolutely required. Days like this I spend in my old lazy Boy rocker watching HGTV and dreaming about the day when I will be able to paint and do things that need to be done around my house. My head throbs for no reason and I struggle to understand what is being said to me and to remember what I was doing five minutes ago. Who is this old person that I have become and where did the real me go???

I live vicariously in my day dreams - I remember that a friend on a chat group once told me that the difference between someone who is really sick and one that just thinks they are is that the one who is will think they can do anything and try and not succeed. That is me - always planning, dreaming, just knowing and believing that tomorrow will be the good day that I sew something and finish it, make dinner and not destroy it, have an intelligent conversation without having to search and drag the words from my brain, drive out on my own and not get lost or turned around. I have to have faith that the day will come at some point I will be able to remember to turn the stove off and have the energy to enjoy Grandchildren that I may one day have. For those like me we all have to have faith and believe because if we don't then we give up and I can't do that. Just for today - a normal day for me - I have to hang on and continue to dream!