Before You Know It..........

When I was young and I would ask my Daddy a questions about time, his answer was always "Before you know it".  As I get older I have realized that is one of the most profound things he ever told me.  We would be driving somewhere and I would ask - "when will we be there?"  - his answer would always be.....before you know it.  When my boys were young they would ask "When will it be mornin time?" -- before you know it....one of my favorite memories - I can still hear their tinly little voices.  That became our ritual with their prayers and tuck in.  When I asked one of the boys last night if they remembered this, it hit me that this one statement is so prophetic and just a good no nonsense piece of advice

When will I be all grown up?  When will it be Christmas?  When will I get married? 
When will my children be grown?
When will I be old and gray?

When we are young, adults always tell us to enjoy every minute because time passes so quickly and you must make the most of the present.  It seems like just yesterday, I was young with babies in my arms - 4 sweet little boys and I blinked my eyes and they were graduating and grown and it truly seemed like it was before I knew it!"  Don't waste time hanging out in the past or dwelling there --- nothing good can come of it.  Try not to waste time worrying about the future because tomorrow it will be here and you will have lost time in the present worrying about it.  Live each day to the fullest - find the good in it and count your blessings - even though some days they may be hard to find.  As my hubby always says age is a high price to pay for maturity but we don't have to wait until we are old to enjoy it.  All of this sounds like so much trite advice and just cheery nonsense but it is more true than we know.

All of this came to me when I was mulling over the fact that I had been in the throws of this illness for at least 20 years....wow 20 years - I have let it define me and let it push me to let life pass me by.  There is no excuse for it and it is my fault -- no one elses - sort of a subconscious decision - not one I have made with thought or intent.  Well - we all have to be present in our lives and along with the daily fight remember that you have to take time to live your life and make most of it.  Make decisions with living in mind - not submission.  Poke the bear, smile, laugh and enjoy because no matter what we do, good or bad......it will all pass us by Before you know it!

What I Am Thanksful For......

A while back I wrote about all of the things I miss.....and I do still miss them and more, but I have to pause each day to remember what I am so very thankful for.  This not only keeps things in perspective but helps me to live in the moment rather than thinking about how great it will be when this thing or that thing happens.  This list is not in any particular order - other than the first entry... ;o)

• I am always most thankful for my 4 wonderful boys and my husband of 25 years - my family.  They are  my life and I always tell them that as long as we are all still here, nothing can be too bad.  I am so very fortunate that they accept me with all of my issues and go on as if all is normal
• The wonderful young women that my sons have brought into our lives - such a blessing to our family
• I am so very thankful for the roof over our head and the little bit of real estate we call our yard - full of birds and squirrels and so much more - now covered in bright colored leaves and a fresh breeze
• For the food we eat - each and every day - when you struggle in life, you come to realize that you have taken much for granted and one of those things is that you will always have good food to eat
• My wonderful menagerie of pets, a 19 year old calico cat still clinging onto life; an 11 year old crazy Jack Russell; an obsessed fat boy Beagle/Jack Russel mix and our baby kitty - 5 year old tuxedo cat - it wouldn't be home without them
• Internet, television, cable, electricity, heat, water, hot water and so much more that I used to completely take for granted and think that they would always just be there
• My wonderful little over worked laptop - it gives me a window to the outside world and keeps friends close that I might not otherwise ever see or hear from and allows me to continue to challenge my ever shrinking brain.... ;o) - use it or loose it
• Special found good close friends like the one I gained when my Son married and I got his Mother-in-Law as a special gift and the fact that she now lives only minutes away from me
• A purpose in life even though I can no longer work - I love to craft for a cause and while what I make may not be that special  -- it means something to children in need and I gain so much more than they do
• Yarn and fabric to keep my hands busy when I have the energy to use them and more free ideas and patterns shared through the generous crafting community on line

I could go on and on but these are the highlights. I have to admit that ticking these off always helps me - otherwise I might spend so much more time on that list of things that I miss and that does no good and only keeps me from accomplishing what I have left to do.  In the last few months my sweet old 13 year old van died of natural causes and somewhat like a dear friend, I have mourned it's death.  With it's demise, it took my ability to drive out for short distances - to be a little independent and act normal - to be on my own for an hour or so.  I know many of you in the same place that I am, have long ago given up driving but I have not gone willingly and even though I could drive, much of the time I probably should not! 

So I must choose to make this something to be thankful for - I am sure there is a reason for it and I know in time I will see it.  But to see the good things that come to us, we must take our focus off of what we perceive to be losses and focus sharp on the things to be thankful for - you might be surprised to find that list is so much longer - trust me!