Home IS the Place to BE!!

I have talked about this many times but I am very much a homebody as many of us are with chronic illness.  I will find any way that I can to not leave this house and I have gotten very creative with my efforts.  In this day and time we can easily do most things without setting foot outside our own threshold and I take full advantage of that!!

But....there is a difference in wanting to be home and needing to be home...as in not being able to leave your home because of deep anxieties and more.  I am very fortunate that I can leave under the right circumstances and do okay.  I would call myself a somewhat functioning agoraphobic.  In the last few years I have made strides in pushing myself to go on trips, even a cruise, which was monumental.  But day to day still stumps me and has gotten worse in the last year or so.  There are many reasons for this including several deaths in our family and changes we go through as we age.

The most frustrating part is making appointments - especially doctor's appointments.  I miss more than I make and I always believe I can do it until the day arrives.  I need to have blood work to continue with my medications but can't seem to make myself do it.  So aggravating!!!  Ugh!!!  I know it appears that I'm just lazy but really that is the farthest thing from the truth.  I even did a no show on a very important MRI last year and still have not rescheduled.  I remember a very bristly physician's assistant in my doctor's office who proclaimed "why would you do this to yourself" when I didn't get out to get refills on meds or make appoints.  Well that is the million dollar question.....WHY????

I do believe that some of this is actually due to my illness - depression, Fibro and of course and most importantly anxiety.  I ARE anxiety....really!  Anything or anyone that exacerbates that is not my friend.

There are days when I feel restless and need to get out for a short bit but I am very ready to return in short order.  The last 15 years or so that I worked, I worked from home and only ventured out when necessary.  One of the big reasons that didn't work out in the end was my inability to attend necessary meetings and conferences.  No one understood and it appeared that I just didn't want to do the work.
I was happy to work around the clock as long as it was done right here at home.

About two and a half years ago we purchased a small little camper which would allow us to travel and for me to feel that I was taking home with us.  You can follow those adventures here at LittleRedRetro.com.  I did great for about a year and a half and camped every month or so. I did always have anxiety but was still able to cope.  When we went through changes in our lives last year it became increasingly difficult to leave home.  Trips were cancelled or never planned.  Now we are making an effort to get back out there and we have a trip planned for a full weak.  I wish I could say I was completely excited and ready to go but that's just not true.  While I want to do this it is very hard.  Another great advantage about camping is that we take Lucy Loo and she makes everything so much easier!!  For many of us with these kinds of issues, pets are very comforting.  She is with me about 99 percent of the time and I can't express how helpful this little bundle of joy is!  Support animals are no joke!!

While I'm told there is no cure for this disorder there are work arounds and there are ways to still enjoy a full and happy life.  My friends and family make an effort to come see me here at home and I do the best that I can to get out when I'm able.  Do what you can to find a balance if you suffer with these types of issues.  Don't let it take control of your happiness!  There are ways to find joy even in the throws of chronic illness.