A New Beginning.....

The weather here today is so gloomy and it brings me back to how I got here - almost a year ago now. I worked hard to keep working and I was successful for over 15 years. I was first diagnosed with ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia in 1991, laid off from my full time job as a life insurance service rep - a job that I had held for 17 years. Since then many other pesky auto-immune bug-aboos have been added to my diagnosis - not the least of which is progressive osteo-arthritis. I gave up the fight to be employed on April 1, 2008....thus changed - a metamorphisis from a WAHM to a DAHM!

For many years I thought I would just die if I had to give up my work - I loved it so and after all I was able to work from an office at home. So - I fought until there was nothing left to fight for and I lost friends and relationships with those I worked with because I stayed a little too long at the party, so to speak. I became unable to realistically evaluate my own performance and be a reliable valuable resource.

Having said all that, going through the process did help me gradually let go rather than being dragged away kicking and screaming. It gave me the dream and the courage to look at what life could be rather than what it had to be - in my perception of reality. Then.....six months after I gave up the fight for my contract (I was a contract administrator for a large non-profit) my husband lost his job. Well, talk about throwing everything up in the air and watching it all settle back down to make a new life for yourself - this was the fast paced version that we were thrown into and so far it has not been at all what I had feared.

I have never had a lot but I do believe that over the years I had begun to take for granted all of the blessing we were bestowed in life. Now each day is filled with thanksgiving for every little thing - the trials as well as the gifts----because in the end they are all gifts and have the ability to teach us if we are willing to learn. I am stubborn and I fight change and I want to do things my way so this has been a slow process and continues to be. But.....I am learning and enjoying the journey and changing day by day. Yes - even in my fifties, I believe I am changing and evolving on a daily basis and I hope and believe that I will continue until the day that I die!
At least for today, I can do this and I can be a positive orb in the ebb and flow of what we call our life.