To Be or Not To BE.......

Last night I stumbled upon a Facebook page that really startled me and I have to admit that it makes me very anxious.  To make matters worse, I clicked on the infamous "like" button before I realized what it really was.  Very foolish use of my "likes" and now I cannot stop this garbage from arriving on my News Feed on a very regular basis.  The page was a rant against those with Fibromyalgia - sounds tame enough but for those of us with these invisible illnesses it is the very thing we fear and deal with on a daily basis.

This experience brought to mind when my oldest son was a teenager and we took him in for braces.  We knew that he had several rotated teeth and definitely needed the braces, but we had no idea how bad it was.  When my husband and I sat across from the orthodontist and he showed us the castings of my son's mouth, we were shocked.  I asked the Dr. how in the world all of that could be going on in his mouth and you really couldn't tell it.  He said without hesitation, "he is compensating" - he has learned to hold his mouth in such a way that you cannot tell that he has a tremendous over bite to say the least.  Several years later we learned that he had done the same thing with his ADD - he never showed any of the usual signs of over activity, etc.  He was so well behaved that we should have known something was up.  ;o)  He was struggling so hard to stay in control and handling things on his own but it would have been so much easier if he had been able to get some help.

That brings me back to our Facebook hate monger - he is the epitome of  what we all believe that others are thinking.  So, as a result, many of us hide our illnesses, compensate and pretend that we are fine.  So much of the time, only our families and closest friends know what we go through and how we all suffer.  I did this for many years to keep working - I was told time and again that I would lose credibility and my work if I didn't do that and funny thing is ---- I lost it any way.  I worked way to hard, did way too much and over compensated and it cost me - big time.  It made it harder to fight for my Social Security Disability, made it harder in the long run for my family and has taken away any pride I had in the work I did for over 14 years.  It also ravaged what little good health I had left.

But - the hero in this story is a friend named Misty Roberts - she puts herself out there for us - she becomes our voice and stands up for us when we are unwilling or unable to do so.  She takes on all of the bad guys and is not afraid to take the barrage of ugliness that some are willing to throw our way.  So - we all have to decide if we can Be who we really are or continue to compensate - over compensate to keep the peace.  I am not a good example and I have been embarrassed and unable to be honest about my health, and I surely am not advocating whining and complaining - that is not good for anybody - as my MIL would say - "That ain't never good" and she is right.  But - we can all find constructive ways to have honest productive communication about our illnesses and work to move forward in the understanding that doctors, family, friends and the general public need to have.  Misty is the perfect example of this and we can follow her lead.  Her web site is http://fmcfsme.com.  You can also find her on FaceBook.  If you want good honest conversation and information, this is the place to find it!  She is our Angel in a sea of criticism and speculation!

To Do or Not To Do........

The week of July 4th is always a very busy time around our house.  Three of our four boys have their birthday and with the holiday it gets a little crazy.  I do love it though!  The problem arises each year when I try to do way too  much and don't listen to the signals that trouble is coming.  None of us want to believe that we can't - I remember my Daddy saying "Can't never could" to me when I was little to discourage my whining and saying "I can't" which I often did when faced with new things.

The odd thing about chronic illnesses is that most of us continue to try to do things we know we cannot and we refuse to accept our limitations.  That makes life difficult for us and our friends and families.  But.....there is a fine balance here - we still have to try and push to do whatever we still can because if we completely give up we won't be able to.  So - each holiday, birthday, event, etc. we have to reassess what we can do on this day, this year, this particular time and try to make the best decisions.  Not always easy and I tend to err on the do way to much side and pay for it later.  I am told this is typical for those with these types of diseases.  Someone in a support group I belonged to once told me that if you don't want to do anything and don't believe you can, you are more than likely depressed----but when you want to do so much and try but can't, it is more likely you are physically ill - I believe this to be true.

So this year I did and I am glad that I did and we had a wonderful day to celebrate the 4th as well as three birthdays in our family - all together.  By some standards, not a big celebration but wonderful all the same.  At the end of the day, I felt good about the efforts I was able to make and I believe in pushing myself and fighting because "can't never could".....