It comes in many forms and hits in many ways but the end is always the same. A down time - a funk,where I fight to get out of bed, sleep more and more, and can't seem to accomplish much of anything. I let my meds run out and forget to refill them and the longer that goes on the lower I go. I miss my doctor's appointments and without the doctor's visits I can't get the refills I need, and round and round we go. Sooooo that's where I am at - every day I tell myself I will make a doctor's appointment, leave the house, remember to do what I need to, but each day ends the same - still feeling bad that I cannot kick this. It is the egg and the chicken again - is it the depression that causes all of this or the illness that causes the depression that causes this to happen. I guess it doesn't really matter how it happens because I truly don't believe there is any way to avoid it. It just is and I believe that the fact that I can see it is at least some sort of movement in the right direction.
Normally my worst down time is in the winter - cold, dark, day after day.....this year it appears to be the repressive heat that we have experienced. It has kept me prisoner here at home - some weeks I don't leave at all - my daily trip to the mail box (that is if I make it out of the house) is my highlight and my only exercise.
Oh well - enough of that - I have to get a grip and grab hold of whatever I can to pull myself back up and feel better......and I know I will - because if we don't try and we give up, then the illness wins and we lose and I am just not ready for that. Now I just have to convince my body of that and put one foot in front of the other. Even if I have to crawl - wait no - I can't do that my knees are shot. Gotta laugh so we don't cry.
