On the Dark Side.......

 Ugh.....I hate when I get like this and I can't seem to help myself.  I am in a funk and it happens every now and then - not exactly sure why, all I do know is that the deeper I go the harder it is to find an escape.  I don't know if you can label these episodes as depressive or just anxiety or just part of this whole syndrome of illness.  But...one thing is for sure.....it's not pretty and my family knows better than to poke the bear.

The process is always pretty much the same.  I will be going along making small improvements, feeling that I am doing better, feeling like I have a harness on this crap and that even though I have to live my life differently, I can manage.  Then, out of no where it comes in and slaps me down to the floor and says Oh no you don't!!!  Don't even think about it.....!!!  Okay - I give, I say Uncle and I creep back to my corner and start sleeping way too much cause I can't help myself.  I eat sweets and eat too much and don't do much of anything which makes everything worse and round and round we go.

Maybe it is because we have had lots and lots of rain and cloudy days, maybe it's winter and possibly it is being alone way too much while everyone around me goes about their daily lives.  Possibly my meds need to be tweaked.....I sure don't know and unfortunately there is no easy answer and no where to readily seek advice about this hole I am in. 

Another possible trigger for me is when I get overwhelmed with all of the doctor's visits I need to catch up on and keeping up with refills on my prescriptions.  For someone who has issues remembering and understanding things, this can be a daunting task.  As is the norm for me, I put off appointments because I don't want to go through the process of coordinating transportation or asking my hubby to take time off from work to get these accomplished.  My Internist requires an office visit for every refill and this can get complicated especially when it is an important med like blood pressure, etc.  So I walk on the edge and let them get almost all out or completely out so that an appointment needs to be made right away.  UGH - I hate that.

Then it becomes like a game of dominoes - seriously.  OK - we are out of the BP and the thyroid is due too, oh and did you forget that you have been out of cholesterol for months....oops.  You already know you are not sleeping at night and then you can't get out of bed and the itching is getting worse and worse and Hubby is getting frustrated with you.  STOP......my brain is going to explode!

To top off these frustrations, I came across the article below which makes me want to light my hair on fire - OK maybe I am exaggerating but this is just what I have been experiencing.  Most Neuro doctors will diagnose you with a Somatization disorder because - guess what - you have pain in areas they deem to be all in your head.  Guess what - it is in our heads but not in the way this believe!!!
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/somatic-syndrome-disorder-mislabel-sick-mentally-ill/story?id=18606406

All right - I am done with this rant - I will go commiserate with my dog who appears to be in some what of a funk himself.  He gets it.  This too shall pass - I hope.