listen), literally "already seen") is the experience of feeling sure that one has already witnessed or experienced a current situation, even though the exact circumstances of the prior encounter are uncertain and were perhaps imagined. Last night I had such an experience and it was awesome - sort of!Hubby and I attended a reception and banquet for the local Urban League. Now if you know me at all, you know that I rarely leave home and surely don't attend functions like this any longer. Okay - he talked me into it and he needed to go so I thought it would be a good night out for us. The evening started with a reception at our Governor's Mansion - neither of us had been so it was very nice. We met a most lovely young women serving drinks at the bar and she so impressed me with her poise and demeanor. When I went back for my second diet coke, she remembered what I already had and asked if I would like another. So refreshing! When we were ready to leave, I had this impulse to thank her - I was not sure she would know what I was thanking her for, but just the same I felt compelled to do so. I walked over to her in the hustle and bustle and she read my face and said Did you need something? I put my hand out to shake hers and embraced it with my other hand and said thanks so much. The surprise and wonderful smile that flashed across her face was the highlight of my evening.
I learned a long time ago that those who serve us in any capacity are angels in their own right and since I have not normally been the servee but the server, I feel strongly about appreciating those who do so with grace and kindness. Back to my Déjà vu....in my old life I was a meeting planner and admin and the second leg of our evening was a reception and dinner at our city conference center. Ah - as we walked into the center, I felt the old pangs of nervous energy and excitement. Throughout the night I was mesmerized with the flow of the dinner and the hard work being done by the hosting organization. This is one of the few times that I have attended a dinner such as this and not had to worry about every detail and the behind the scenes effort. So refreshing and sad at the same time.
Now I fully realize that I am no longer capable of doing a job like this, but it is so hard to let it go. Thoughts cross my mind that I could and would and wish that I did.....but then reality walks back in when I try to extricate myself from my chair to make my way to the restroom or when the pain of sitting too long start to fill my consciousness rather than the program.
As surely as the wind blows, the pain, discomfort and more welcome me in spades by the time I reach home and I had a very restless night of pain alternating with other issues. It is then that I know that my dream of doing such work is long gone but......I still know in my heart that I am so fortunate to have once done it and to have a life left that is still worth living. I could spend a good bit more time on the mourning of a life once lived or move back into my new world and make the most of it for what it is now. That is what I chose to do - it is not always easy but it is doable and it makes the path easier if we don't dwell on the past - you cannot move forward if you are looking backward. Chose life rather than the past.
