Pain is Now in the Small Things.....

For a long time now, I have been able to control my pain somewhat by what I do physically.  This past December that came to an end - abruptly and does not seem to be changing....the hard thing is that I am not sure why.  I would suppose that is the question we - those who are afflicted by these chronic illnesses - ask most often.  What did I do???  What changed???  I didn't do anything different we tell ourselves.  As a long time member of this club, I can tell you there is no reasonable explanation on why things change for the bad or even the good.  We must learn to roll with the flow and just play the cards as they are dealt each day.  I try to make light of it and that is how I deal - your coping method may be different but as long as it works for you, that does not matter.

Please don't think I am complaining when I say this - this is just reality and I express it only in the hopes that if we can voice our realities then we help each other.  I know for me, it is so comforting to know that I am not the odd ball - I am somewhat in the norm somewhere.

The badge in this post is from my hero Misty - she creates these to give us a laugh and to make us feel better, if only for a bit, and to voice what we think each and every day!  I cannot tell you the number of times I have been told - But you look great - HA I say!  You don't see the extreme dark circles I have labored to cover and the way that I used to look - I was not always an old hag - really...;o)  Anyway - I know we all do it - we make assumptions, opinions about what we believe about others and I do it too.  But.....having said that - please try not to.  You may see me and say I cannot believe she is disabled or sick at all, but come and spend 24 hours with me.....you will walk away enlightened.  I am sure that is true for most of us - we compensate and work hard to be as normal in our appearance and in what we do when we are "on" but that is not our reality. 

As I have droned on here before, my reality is one of sleeping 12 hours or more a day and not because I am lazy but because I have to so that I can have a few alert hours each day.  My reality is being in pain just doing normal things like washing dishes or emptying a dishwasher, falling unexpectedly, forgetting what I did 5 minutes ago, being extremely irritable for no reason at all, only getting dressed when necessary, rarely wearing shoes because of the pain, and I could go on and on.......but I won't.  Aren't you glad.....;o)

But just know that when you see someone like me and make an assumption that they are fine, just remember that NO one would chose to be this way - We survive and make the best of this life and smile and go on because what choice do we have.  For our sake and that of our families we put one foot in front of the other and just hope that most people are not STUPID!  ;o)