WAFM to DAHM

First I was a work away from home Mom and it was very hard....then I was a SAHM - stay at home mom and mother of 4- then I tried being a WAHM - work at home mom and that was awesome......But now I am a DAHM - Disabled at home Mom and I am doing the best that I can to make that Okay! Recently I have added caregiver and advocate to my 84 year old mother who suffers from Dementia and mental illness. Such is life... I hope you visit here and find a reason to smile and a little Joy!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Funk is Here......

We all have different ways of knowing when the gray fog is coming over and sometimes we can stop it before it takes over.  Other times we let it consume us and we can't bring ourselves to fight the force.  I am there and trying hard to climb back over the wall - so far no luck.

It comes in many forms and hits in many ways but the end is always the same.  A down time - a funk,where I fight to get out of bed, sleep more and more, and can't seem to accomplish much of anything.  I let my meds run out and forget to refill them and the longer that goes on the lower I go.  I miss my doctor's appointments and without the doctor's visits I can't get the refills I need, and round and round we go.  Sooooo that's where I am at - every day I tell myself I will make a doctor's appointment, leave the house, remember to do what I need to, but each day ends the same - still feeling bad that I cannot kick this.  It is the egg and the chicken again - is it the depression that causes all of this or the illness that causes the depression that causes this to happen.  I guess it doesn't really matter how it happens because I truly don't believe there is any way to avoid it.  It just is and I believe that the fact that I can see it is at least some sort of movement in the right direction.

Normally my worst down time is in the winter - cold, dark, day after day.....this year it appears to be the repressive heat that we have experienced.  It has kept me prisoner here at home - some weeks I don't leave at all - my daily trip to the mail box (that is if I make it out of the house) is my highlight and my only exercise.

Oh well - enough of that - I have to get a grip and grab hold of whatever I can to pull myself back up and feel better......and I know I will - because if we don't try and we give up, then the illness wins and we lose and I am just not ready for that.  Now I just have to convince my body of that and put one foot in front of the other.   Even if I have to crawl - wait no - I can't do that my knees are shot.  Gotta laugh so we don't cry.

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