We Have Hearing Date!!!!!

Our Date is Tuesday, December 15th, 2009 -- We finally got the call we have been waiting for yesterday --- I still can't really believe it, but it happened!  I have been fighting for Social Security Disability for 19 months and it has been a hard fought battle.  My disability advocate had hoped that we would be able to get it without having to go to a hearing but that's ok.  I welcome the opportunity to tell my story - I am just hoping and praying that we will have a fair and open minded judge and the hearing will go well.  I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it - I am sure as the date approaches that will get worse but it will be worth it in the end - hopefully!  I am one of the lucky ones - my hearing has only take about 8 months to schedule - many in our state wait for over 20 months to get a hearing.

I have heard stories of things like this and I never really appreciated the gravity of the situation.  You just cannot imagine until you walk this walk.  This has really given me a new appreciation for anyone dealing with issues with their health and the dependence on the system for their well being.  In this country, so many of us are used to being in control - control of our lives and everything related to it.  There are always many factors that we just don't control - the weather, accidents, some illnesses, etc. - but at least most of the big stuff is in our hands.  When you loose your ability to work things change - you give up independence in many ways and are at the mercy of many people you don't know and will never meet.  For some of us that becomes a very frustrating journey and for many it turns into a long struggle.

I heard myself telling one of my doctors this week that I just did not want to be THIS person - I didn't want to be the one who was begging for disability income, who wore the label that says I can't work, the one who appeared to be useless to family and friends, community, etc.  I used to be a hard working, law abiding, tax paying wife and mother.  I worked for over 34 years of my life and paid my taxes - for 14 of those years I paid taxes as a self employed worker which means I paid in more as there was no employer to contribute.  Now that I am damaged, I have to beg to get back some of what I paid in and made to feel as though I am somehow asking for help that I am not entitled to.  This makes me angry and many like me but I fight the anger and try to be patient and I wait and I wait, and I hope that this decision will be made while there is still time to to try to repair some of the damage that all this waiting has done to my health.

Thirty-seven days from today a total stranger will sit in judgement of my situation and my future - I can only hope and pray that this individual will actually read the facts, actually truly know what is going on with me and will understand.......enough to allow me to receive some of the benefits that I have already paid for, so that I can try to piece the me, that I used to be, back together.......in some way.  I am so very thankful for this opportunity but I proceed cautiously because I cannot afford to get my hopes up again - each denial, each disappointment takes way too much out of what is left of me and that is just not fair to my family because they walk this walk with me, even though this is not what they signed up for.  So, we will count down the days with guarded hopeful anticipation and continue to travel this road and have faith for better days ahead.